The Jokes On You!

Who are these smart, creative geniuses who create witty and hilarious jokes? There are some right belters surfing around the internet, but here’s your chance to create your very own. Listed below are some of the finest joke posts from Reddit within the last week. If you think of any cracking one-liners yourself, let us know by commenting below!

1. Printnamehere3

A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole…
She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said, “Honey, he just wanted to see your underwear.”
The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said, “I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole.”
Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother, “Mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn’t wear any underwear.”
Sexting

2. Win_nerworld

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”
Sexting

3. audiphile

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door.
Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.
All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Roger,
Again he is ready for more ‘action’. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling.
When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it – Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action’.
And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.”
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: “You mean I was here already?”
Sexting

4. ReachForTheSky_

A terrorist is holding dad at gunpoint.
“Say your last words!”
“Your last words!”
Sexting

5. codecracker25

There once was a woman who had 100 children.
She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health.
They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out.
In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog “This” so the name could be used in conversation.
One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety’s kids will remember This.
Sexting

6. gaminglifebeginner

Police arrested two kids yesterday.
One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one – and let the other one off.
Sexting

7. Holmesy19

Three Scots and three Irishmen are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three Irishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket.
“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an Irishman. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers a Scot.
They all board the train. The Irishmen take their respective seats but all three Scots cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the bathroom door and says,”Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Irishmen see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Irishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don’t buy a ticket at all.
“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed Irishman. Watch and you’ll see,” answers a Scot. When they board the train the three Irishmen cram into a bathroom and the three Scots cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Scots leaves his bathroom and walks over to the bathroom where the Irishmen are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”
Sexting

8. 2nutz4u

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. The I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, “No.”
I kept thinking, “Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn’t have any clothes with me.”
Then I said, “Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident? “No,” he replied. I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo….I asked one more time, “Matt, did you have an accident?”
Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled…. “SEE, MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!!”
While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified!
Sexting

9. Akhi1

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!”
I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”
Sexting

10. mrko1990

What’s the difference between my ex and the titanic?
The titanic only went down on 1,000 people.
Sexting