The Jokes On You!

Who are these smart, creative geniuses who create witty and hilarious jokes? There are some right belters surfing around the internet, but here’s your chance to create your very own. Listed below are some of the finest joke posts from Reddit within the last week. If you think of any cracking one-liners yourself, let us know by commenting below!

1. hombre_sabio

Tarzan learns about sex.
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him.
And during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?
“Tarzan not know sex,” he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, “Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.”
Horrified Jane said, “Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.”
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
“Here,” she said, pointing to her privates, “You must put it in here.”
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed, “What did you do that for?”
Tarzan replied, “Check for squirrel.”

2. longbowrocks

An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.
“Take a couple swings at that tree over there,” the foreman said.
The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single chop.
“Holy smokes, you’ve got quite the arm! You’re absolutely hired, but I need to know what you can do. Try your hand at this tree over here.” The foreman points out a much larger tree.
One, two swings and the tree crashes to the ground.
“That’s incredible!” Cried the foreman, “Wherever did you learn to chop like that?!”
“In the Sahara Forest,” replied the lumberjack.
“Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?” Asked the foreman.
“That’s why I’m here.”

3. ichabod-rain

What do British nuclear engineers eat?
Fission chips.

4. retrokev

What do you call a wife that knows where her husband is at all time?
A widow.

5. IamConer

I got pulled over by a female cop…
When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said…

6. tomgilby

My friend text me ‘What are you doing now?’
I replied ‘Probably failing my driving test’.

7. -whinestein-

As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies.
That’s when I realized I’d drugged the wrong glass.

8. BookerGinger

I hate being bipolar, it’s great

9. technodeviant

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call out from behind a sand dune: “One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters”.
The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice once again calls out: “One Marine is better than one hundred Isis ‘S.O.B.’s'”.
Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The voice calls out again: “One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters.” The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible fight is fought… Then silence.
Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, “Don’t send any more men … it’s a trap. There’s two of them.”

10. nocstah

I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!” Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don’t get offers like that every day.